Thursday, December 15, 2005
why?
so I'm wrapping the boys christmas prsents, all those things I have collected and hid over the year and all I can do is cry. Earlier I went to the boys christmas party at daycare. My baby is so different to all the other kids, they were all jumping around singing and jostling each other all excited, and he sat on the rug with his eeyore sucking his thumb in hs own little space, looking a bit bewildered by everything going on around him, I just wanted to scoop him up and take him away so he didn't have to deal with it so people didn't look at him with pity in their eyes because he is odd, not like the others, well i want my baby to be just like the others. I thought I was past the grieving stage, but now I realise that it will never go away, he will be the outsider and my heart breaks for him everytime something like this happens.

I hate autism, it is cruel and it will rob Alec of so much and make so many things we take for granted so hard for him. At times like this I feel so powerless and ill equip to guide him, everything is so raw and I am so emotional about things, but I will send him out there, he does love daycare he has leant so much I just hate seeing him on the outside looking in.
Written at 12:04 pm by Alli.
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