reared its head again yesterday. Isn't it funny I see it that way, I know it is always there but the episodes Alec has bring it home again. Since we suspected Aspergers and then found it was Autism we have changed a lot of the way we do things, we have not tried to change Alec.

Through speech therapy we are teaching him but I have decided we wont supress anything. We are looking at some different therapies, some I don't like and wont be doing. I have thought about it long and hard and I will do private therapy and we will just interview them first and if we don't like one we will keep going until we find another.

Some therapies are very confronting and they restrain the child well I will let you know right here and now no one is restraining my child, nor will I do drug therapies, I don't believe autism is curable, it isn't a disease it is a condition that is with you from birth, but like I said, this is what I beleieve to be true. I don't want what is Alec replaced by what someone thinks Alec should be to fit into our society. I see my job as being Alec's guide, his advocate and his buffer when he needs it. So far we have managed day care with no problems because he loves routine and his kindy teacher is great, we met her last year and she asked all the right questions and can't wait to have Alec this year.

It isn't easy, Alec is different, reasoning is pointless and when he has a meltdown it has to run its course. Yesterday we were all ready to go and visit our old playgroup when I answered the phone. I shouldn't have done that, because Alec wanted to get on the chair and answer it, I didn't know. My friend even called back for him to answer but it was too late, so for the next 45 minutes he screamed and cried, I'm sure he wasn't sure why but he couldn't stop, the frustration of not being able to communicate what you want and what is wrong must be so hard for him, I know I find it heart breaking. We went from room to room until finally he ended up in my room on the floor, suddenly there was silence..

"oh, look mummy, here is happy thomas what was lost, can we go for coffee now?"

and it was over. I know why it happened, Riley wasn't home with us yesterday he went to my mum and dads for the day, Alec wasn't happy when we dropped them at the train station either. After his big meltdown the day was fine, he wanted to be very close the rest of the day which I didn't mind, I love when he wants to hold my hand.

here is something I read today, the links were on Ali Edwards blog, her little boy Simon who is 4 weeks older than Alec is also autistic.

Experiencing the mysterious - Sharon Sonneff

And this is very true, I found these three on gettingthewordout.org

Frustration – The inability to verbally communicate
thoughts causes major frustrations for parents, the child, and the
caretakers.

Feelings – The inability to identify and the incapacity to
express feelings, leads to frustration.

Flow – An autism diagnosis forever alters the flow of the
entire family. The life you thought your child would lead will
never be lived.