Sunday, July 20, 2008
kids break things
and mums overreact, or maybe they just react then feel like slimy bottom feeding monsters.

I didn't yell, I raised my voice slightly and let my disappointment be known and took away wii privileges for 2 days, but now 2 hours later I feel like a world class louse.

How do I make them understand consequences? are they actually too young or am I doing it wrong. I know they don't understand monetary value but I hope they understand what the value of things are to them. So for instance if I drop the nunchuk for the wii and then i can't control my character do I realise it is because I dropped it after I had been told I needed to take special care of the nunchuk and not drop it. Am I saying these things and they don't actually understand.

I get cross, then I feel guilty for being cross and making them feel bad then I get confused and wonder if it is all my fault to begin with.

So now I have my 6 year old son telling his dad that he will save up money to buy the new wii and then it will be ok, hearing him on the phone made me feel awful, because I hate to make him feel awful. He logs everything, in a month he will be able to replay our encounter word for word and I will die all over again. That said can you teach responsibility? or does it develop along with a sense of the value of things, and not so much the monetry value but the value one thing has to another person. As you can see from this rambling I am confused and feeling guilty and disappointed in myself, I could have handled it differently, I'm just not sure how but now we are both upset.
Blogger Domestic Goddess said...
Alli remember that this sort of thing is a learning curve for the kids - they need to feel awful to remember the incident so that they learn from it - this creates learning, the feelings create resilience cos they also learn that they don't feel awful forever. If they don't learn consequence early - it just doesn't seem to cement in for later life.
Being a mum is hard, being a mum without dad around for a few days is even harder - you are doing a great job!!
He may well replay everything that was said and done, but that is also his way of learning from the experience and maybe instead of reliving your feelings, turn it into a positive and ask him what he learnt from the incident.
Chat soon

Blogger purplecrazymum said...
I wish I knew the answer, cause then I wouldn't feel so guilty when DS is misbehaving and I take things off him. I've had to start sending him to a timeout in his room with his door shut - it's the only way to make him stop and think about his actions. I'm told it's normal boy behaivour (but being his "step" mum makes it hard for me. I don't understand boys at all!)

I think you're doing a great job with both your boys! I love coming and reading about your days with them - and seeing your photos, too!

Cate xox

Blogger Krissynae said...
You are not a bad mother. You need to explain to dad why the Wii was taken away. Please do not feel bad.

Blogger Heather said...
First, I don't have an answer. All children learn these things in their own way and as their parents we need to find the way that works best for them and us. It's trial and error. With a lot of error. No matter how hard we try we will not be perfect parents. There are things our children will remember about their childhood that they won't like. But hopefully more than anything they will remember that they were loved. I believe responsibility and a sense of value can be taught. And they will learn that from you.

Blogger KarenSue said...
A book that really helped me was "Making Children Mind without Losing Yours" by Kevin Leman,
he talks about reality discipline, the teaching that there are consequences for chosen behaviour.

That discipline is not punishment because you made me mad, but there are consequences for behavior.

It sounds like you are being reasonable, so be strong.

Remember, you are not raising little boys, you are raising future men.