Thursday, February 23, 2006
A few days off
It has been hot here and along with that so many changes and adjustments to make to our new routine something was going to give eventually. Tuesday Alec didn't have a nap and it was 40 in the shade here, there were a few incidents at kindy, Alec just reacted badly to normal situations and by 4pm he was on his way to a serious meltdown.

There were so many triggers I couldn't stop it, the anguish, fear, frustration and anger we witnessed over three and a half hours was heart breaking. I am left feeling exhausted, defeated and helpless. Angry that my baby has to go through this and that somehow it is my fault he is like this, at my darkest I go back and analyse every moment of my pregnancy and his birth and where it was I could have done this to him, I get over that though because we just don't know why and we never will. After a good cry I went to bed, Michael cleaned up for me, I was actually sent to my room, I get a bit manic after these meltdowns and try and keep busy and I always end up worse than I started, Wednesday morning Michael got them ready for daycare, we set off and Alec had forgotten his engine, so I promised I would bring one back for him, when I got home I called and let school know Alec wouldn't be there Thursday and Friday and I cancelled speech for today. We had reached our limit, Riley is off at dad's (wish dad luck he is alone with a 2 year old and has never changed his nappy!!) we are having a quiet day together playing Thomas lego that I bought him today.. I am weak, I use the excuse that it is his birthday Saturday even though we already have him a present, but he is so loving it, he hasn't left the table for 2 hours, I can't see him going for a nap today. If this is what I have to do to make him happy for today and be at peace then so be it

well I have to go and build some stations, thanks for letting me ramble.
3 Comments:
Blogger Chris Millar said...
Hi Alli, I was there was something I could say to help in some way. I can send big cyber hugs and say that I hope getting this out on your blog helps also! Thinking of you!

Blogger Carole Janson said...
Alli, you are a marvellous mother and never think otherwise, we never really know why these things happen all we can do is our best, and from what I have learned about you over the past couple of months you are that very special person. All the best Alli, and do not be hard on yourself.

Carole.

Blogger Nicole Finlayson said...
Hi Alli, hope you're all okay now.

Good on you for blogging this, hope it has helped relieve your anguish a little and you've probably helped another Mum in your situation. You've also helped me feel normal and I don't even have to seal with half of what you do.

All I can say is that I can tell how much you love your babies from your post. You can only do your best.

And you don't need an excuse to buy Lego. ;)

I reckon you're a super mum.