It has been hot here and along with that so many changes and adjustments to make to our new routine something was going to give eventually. Tuesday Alec didn't have a nap and it was 40 in the shade here, there were a few incidents at kindy, Alec just reacted badly to normal situations and by 4pm he was on his way to a serious meltdown.

There were so many triggers I couldn't stop it, the anguish, fear, frustration and anger we witnessed over three and a half hours was heart breaking. I am left feeling exhausted, defeated and helpless. Angry that my baby has to go through this and that somehow it is my fault he is like this, at my darkest I go back and analyse every moment of my pregnancy and his birth and where it was I could have done this to him, I get over that though because we just don't know why and we never will. After a good cry I went to bed, Michael cleaned up for me, I was actually sent to my room, I get a bit manic after these meltdowns and try and keep busy and I always end up worse than I started, Wednesday morning Michael got them ready for daycare, we set off and Alec had forgotten his engine, so I promised I would bring one back for him, when I got home I called and let school know Alec wouldn't be there Thursday and Friday and I cancelled speech for today. We had reached our limit, Riley is off at dad's (wish dad luck he is alone with a 2 year old and has never changed his nappy!!) we are having a quiet day together playing Thomas lego that I bought him today.. I am weak, I use the excuse that it is his birthday Saturday even though we already have him a present, but he is so loving it, he hasn't left the table for 2 hours, I can't see him going for a nap today. If this is what I have to do to make him happy for today and be at peace then so be it

well I have to go and build some stations, thanks for letting me ramble.