I loved this quote on Ngaire Bartlam's blog -

"You shouldn't have to sacrifice
who you are just because somebody
else has a problem with it".

It hasn't been until this last year that this has even occured to me. I was always trying to bend and stretch myself ito what I thought others expected of me. Live and learn hey, pity it took until 38 and not 28.

What I now have to do is take that statement and apply it to Alec and make sure that he knows we love him just as he is. Here is my baby :

how clean should your house be before somone comes and cleans it? mine is pretty feral right now but I don't have the energy to clean it...before they come and clean it.

ok stripped 2 beds, made one fed children..again.. I'm still tired! I loathe cleaning. Riley is having honey on everything so no matter how well I clean him off he still leaves a sticky trail behind him. he has now worked out how to use the chairs to get what he wants from high places. All morning he has been asking to watch boohbah, I, being the meany said no as Alec loves the ABC kids line up. We have free to air cable but e-wire still don't give us abc2, which is annoying as they have kids programs when abc doesn't. We don't watch commercial tv, Alec is learning enough about things without being bombarded by advertising, we watch videos instead and that way I know exactly what they are watching. Mind you that Thomas the Tank Engine can be a bit naughty sometimes and Alec learnt all about accidents and crashes and falling off ravines.

Another reason my house is less than pristine lately is that I have turned out 18 layouts this month! I did clean out my big cupboard and repack everything and label it and cleaned the room generally, the second computer has gone to Alec's room now, he said to Michael..

"dad, come and turn on comp-puter so I can do fings on it"

I'm sending him in to set it up when he gets home, Alec will just love it once we get a few little games on for him.

I like this! the photo is a little lower that I had planned but the DS tape was super sticky so that is where he stayed.. these photos were taken September 10th. I'm really enjoying scrapping very recent photos, they just keep on coming, now I need to do some serious writing again.

I am really enjoying myself! I hope to get a few more doen over the weekend, I am finally moving the backlog and really enjoying myself again.

While I folded the washing on Sunday afternoon the boys did some baking for playgroup afternoon tea. I think they liked the raw cookie dough and the raw cake mix more than the finished product.

Well almost.. and a 4 day weekend for Michael..yipeeeeeeeeee

Tomorrow it is off for haircuts for the boys and I will catch up with the lady at the markets that is selling my scrap-bitz, which I have to rename :( I went to register the business name and it was gone. I was sure when I checked the first time it was available, so now the search is on for a business name for scrapbooking embellishments. Saturday afternoon I am going to spend my birthday gift voucher...On me!

Sunday it is clean and scrap, clean the scrap room cupboard to be precise. Monday more scrapping and Monday night me and the girls (Monday morning tea girls) are going to watch the sunset and go to the Beach at Mindarie.

Tuesday Michael is taking Alec to the royal show with my dad and Riley and I will be alone.. A scary prospect.

I started off so well with my diet to control my blood sugars, then we have a stressful week and I get a bit of a cold and it all goes to shite.. I beat myself up for being weak but some days I really do need that bit of chocolate, and lets face it it isn't the 6-10 squares I used to eat DAILY it is 2 measly squares. I do seem to have lost 5kg in the last month though, I am sure that is solely due to cutting out chocolate and dessert. Diabetes sucks, I am so tired of having to watch the clock and work out what food I can eat at what time of the day.

My birthday was really nice, we had a quiet playgroup and a beautiful dinner, I ate too much but it was just so yummy, mum made me my favorite dessert, lemon souffle! it was divine, I am going to have a few spoonfuls at lunch.

NEW LOOK

I didn't think the dark foreboding colour scheme did me justice so I went on a search and found this one, it is quiet nice and airy don't you think and unobtrusive all at the same time, I thought of going the whole glish path again but I just don't have the time anymore, when I had my greymatter blog I had the time to fiddle plus I had my own hosting, the hosts did some upgrades one day and after two years without a glitch greymatter would never work again. This is pretty good though I can just waffle away and not be overly worried with how it looks.

Hedi Swapp

damn shame I am also staring at my soaking wet washing...

oh yeah...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Michael is such a cutie, he wrapped my present in paper he made from a photo of him and the boys baking on Sunday and it has Happy 29th Birthday all over it... I wish! So it is 39 for me today, and it is raining, a september 20th tradition, I can't remember a birthday that it didn't rain.

Mum and dad are bringing dinner up tonight, that will be nice, we will talk business and do dads flyer for trueblue containers. I have so many ideas for this joint venture, I just need to know some specifications and I can start designing.. woohoo

The boys loved the cookie dough more than any of the finished product I think.

We usually go to morning tea with local mum's Monday morning but I think we all need a little recharge time. The boys are outside playing, I wish this was a wireless notebook so I could sit out there and do this.

I did some more reading on Asperger's and my heart just keeps breaking for my little boy, my biggest wish for my boys was that they fit in, be happy and do something they love. Alec may never fit in, he wont know the right things to say and he wont be able to pick up those all important silent signals from other people. On the otherhand he has his brother, they look out for each other and are the best of friends. It may have been hard having them so close together but in the end it will be a godsend.

As soon as we get all the specialists out of the way I will be joining a support group and we will do a positive parenting programme, I have to re-learn so many things now and I see that things that have worked with Riley wont work with Alec, instead of discipline we have just been scaring him.

We will learn as we go and get all the help we can, right now we have an advantage because he is so young.

I must stop crying before Alec sees me.

It isn't a concrete diagnosis yet, 3 more steps, a pediatrician, a clinical psychologist and a diagnostic speech therapist. If they all agree we will have a diagnosis. After doing a little reading I think Chris has it right. Initially she though he may have had an autism spectrum disorder but he is too social and he is just like they describe for asperger's.

It is silly really, as I knew it could be something like this and I find the therapy sessions difficult as it makes me confront those things about Alec that are different from other kids.

I want to protect him and never let anything hurt him.

with my kids. We just got home from the Library and Coles. They so love the library it is always hard to get them out. Coles on the otherhand can be a bit nightmare-ish especially when I am alone with the 2 of them and Riley wants to walk too.. ummm NO!

We made it 1/2 way around before he started escaping the belt, by the time we got to the register he had stood up and wriggled out of it.

I wrangled them back to the car and I have a cup of tea brewing.. my reward, ok I had a biscuit too but we wont tell anyone that.

I went to bed at 10pm, just lay there listening to the telly, it was so nice. I slept until 5am so I am feeling so much better. It is playgroup day today and I need to finish 3 circle journals by the end of the week.

yesterday I forked out $90 for a loaf of bread and 2 litres of milk thanks to the scum that put a bolt under my tyre. No accident says the tyre man, I could have told him that.

Thankfully Kel watched to boys while I went to get it fixed.

really tick me off.

If you are so average at something and feel slighted by the decision don't rubbish it because you feel put out.

welcome to cryptic day

It rained last night so Riley was up about 8 times, I did the first 4 and Michael did the last 4, he is afraid of the noise but loves the rain.. Go figure. So today I am letting them run wild and eat M&M's for breakfast, the toast that was requested and made has gone cold and stodgy long ago... I might use this in my blog..LOL

It really does suck as Riley is just adorable and I loved him so fiercely the moment I saw him it hurt, now I know why it was so important I love him so much. I think it is the sheer frustration at not being able to communicate to them that causes the greatest stress for me sometimes.. If only they understood that if the scream one more time mummy will go starts raving mad I wonder if they wouldn't do it.

Knowing them probably not, they do it as a sporting event, scream-a-thons.

Now I just do a day at a time and roll back my expectations, if we make it to nap time at 11am and I haven't yelled and they haven't damaged each other or the house it has been a successful morning. We also do something each day, morning tea groups, playgroups and playdates with friends, if I didn't get out everyday I couldn't do it.

oh and I finally got paid, it was a great relief as I don't do confrontation well