ahhhhhhhhhhhh it seems like such a relief, no classes on the weekend and no work, I need this.

I'm taking the boys to see CARS this morning then we are all coming home and taking a nap and will hang out this afternoon and I will try and do some scrapping, I have a whole lot of unfinished journaling on the computer so I might start there.

Saturday we are taking a trip into town on the train, Michael has a Myer gift card from April to use and I have to exchange some sleep suits mum bought Riley but they have feet in them and the following performance wasn't a pretty sight so they go back.

Sunday is to be entirely devoted to scrapping! Scrapping is my refuge, my safe harbour and I need time there so I can function out in the storm. I did up the work rosters for July and August and I have over extended myself, July wont be so bad it is just extra classes but August wont be fun. It's hard because I like going to work but with Alec's therapy schedule life is already pretty full. There are days when I do the "I wish" but at the end of the day it is pointless because wishing it doesn't change anything but I tell you the work we do with Alec has saved our lives, a year ago we had a little boy who couldn't get through the day without being so overwhelmed by our world, who couldn't communicate except to squeal when he was distressed, we have been doing speech for a year almost now and he has been doing Early Intervention and occupational therapy with the Autism assoc for 10 weeks and the director can't believe it is the same child, we must have just hit on the right combination because he is thriving. We still have 'episodes' but these are usually short lived as we can get him to use his words to explain what has upset him. Now we have to address the sensory issues. He is my gorgeous boy, here are Riley and Alec helping Michael clean the BBQ, I did this 2 weeks ago before I hit my creativity brick wall

My wonderful boss Di from Scrapbooking to Di for has kindly agreed to let me run a crop night to do some fundraising for the Western Australian Autism Association Early Intervention centre!!! This means so much to me because my gorgeous Alec goes to the centre and the girls do such wonderful work but like everything their funding only goes so far and they are in desperate need of some new equipment for the OT sessions they do at the PCYC (police and citizens youth club)

We haven't set a date but it will be in mid September and Brian from Clarkson Gloria Jeans has already put up his hand to supply a door prize and we are doing a cover letter to wholesalers and who ever else we can think of for donations for a MONSTER SCRAPBOOK AUCTION!!!

It will be a bit of work but so well worth it, any help we can give these kids does amazing good.

So if you know of anyone or would like to donate some items to the auction let me know!

Friday I kept Alec home from kindy and we had a quiet day, then when the kids had gone to bed Michael and I sat down and went through a box of Andy's things mum sent over. I am doing an album, one page done so far, it is very hard to do but I am going to have a photo day and scan all the photos I have of him and start working out what to do.

Saturday I worked, I was busy and all alone but Lissy was in for a class and Jodi dropped by in the afternoon, must organise my patterned paper today and print some photos and do some shop sample pages!

I've been amazed at how much home time you lose when you work 2 days a week. Back to the usual this week and Saturday I have an altered canvas class, 9 booked already so that will be good.

I'm tired today, Riley woke at 6am!!! and Michael is calling me to come get pancakes.. yummy!

Left us 10 years ago, I can't believe it is 10 years. How can a 25 year old die? what purpose did his death serve?

The eternally unanswered questions I'm afraid, I have been asking for 10 years and still have no more insight than I did then.

Those were such dark days after Andy died, for months I cried all the way to work in the car, I stopped caring about work and struggled to make myself get out each day. It also lifted a veil from my eyes and made me see how miserable I was and how my marriage had been over for years, we just went through the motions we just hadn't realised it yet. It took a year but I left, I found the strength and I fled, fled for my life because I didn't know that person anymore, she was a stranger and she had almost given up. It is strange starting your life at 31 but I did, I'm 40 soon and you know what the last 9 years have been the best of my life.

I'm going to end this as the tears are making it hard to see, this is a poem I wrote for Andy after he died, I miss you Andy and there isn't a day I don't think about you and miss you.. be at peace little brother

THE STREAM

I walk along the stream
kicking the pebbles of my life aside
Wondering at their journey
And if they have served their purpose

Did they do well??
Did they suceed??
Could they have done better??
Who is to judge them..me?

Were they cared for by another?
Or treated badly and discarded?
Only to fall back into the stream and be worn away
Taking a little of me with them as they went

Or were they treasured and cared for?
Looked out for by one that was more dear than my own life?
I ponder these thoughts as my feet brush the pebbles aside
Seeing some worn and some not

Does this mean that it goes on
Till they have been worn away completely?
The constant uncertainty
The struggle for my place in the stream
I am tired now
Let me rest a little and find some peace
I tried so hard to find it but it has alluded me
I will sleep that long sleep now and lay my demons to rest

Was really nice! I worked all dat Saturday and was nice and busy, and Eunita dropped by, she is the funny lady on the right in the photo I posted from the craft fair :) What are you going to do with those mini handcuffs Eunita??

Then Sunday Michael made pancakes with Alec, we had a play out the from before we went off to bunnings, I had a bad hypo and ended up with blood sugar of 2.9, too low so I ended up feeling sick and had a sleep and Michael kept the boys busy, then at 5 we went to piggy hogs (Hogsbreath restaurant) because Alec just loves it, it is just nice to see him eat something, we took the camera and he took photos for us but I will post some of them tomorrow, we are off to kindy and Riley and I are off to the shops then we have a centre session this afternoon

I don't know what has come over me, it is as though the money I have is willing me to spend it and also spend the next months wages too! I can't stop shopping!!

Scrap shopping of course, I got a lovely thank you gift from SM of 48 sheets of chatterbox paper in the mail this week, but no that wasn't enough to keep me happy I had to spend $120 on mixed embellishments and I put an order into SAM (scrapbooks and more) for $70 in their big sale and another one to a place in the US called A peek into yesterday for about another $80!!!! what has come over me!!!! I am trying to save money for my Sydney trip when we go to crafting Connections, oh well atleast I wont be able to complain about not having anything to scrap with!

I better start doing some serious scrapping or I will run out of room for things again. I think I will just have to enjoy what I have bought and try and convince myself we have no money again so I can't go shopping, I have been so good the last year so I suppose one little ok mediuim sized splurg is allowed, I know, I am kidding myself. Maybe if I hadn't had to wait for things to arrive I would have stopped after that first order :) I got hung up on the thrill of the confirmation email coming through

Here is my strano ribbon card that is in Scrapbooking Memories vol7 no11, The other girls were a little more creative tham I was, a big thanks to Lissy for doing the sewing for me

You couldn't take camera's but Claire took photos for the magazine and she emailed them to me this morning.. Thanks Claire!!!

Alli, Justine and Claire

Alli hard at work

Three crazy ladies, these girls were so funny, they were our Sunday hecklers, they stayed for every session and were so funny.

One I did for an All My memories shop sample page and the other is just for me, I like them both!


and this is a sneak peak of a layout that I did for Scrapbooking memories, it would have to be one of the best I have done for them, I really love it and I wish I could show it off!

I'm totally wiped out today, I've been trying to do online shopping with an intermittent internet connection, I'm after patterned paper, I have even inspired myself after my talk at the craft fair LOL I'm thankful we have a public holiday tomorrow, it is going to be just family stuff, last night we watched videos and ate twisties and Alec pretended he was a cat for an hour and 1/2 so we got lots of cuddles from the cat and I even got to brush him.

These are the good things in life.

I work well under pressure, I like to meet deadlines and I love a challenge even though I will whine about it

I don't like house work, how can that single moment in time be satisfying when the next minute all the work is undone. Squewed logic I know but I feel so defeated when I have spent the day cleaning and in five minutes it looks like a battle ground

I am very dramatic

I like wet cold weather

I think the jumbo flower punch gave me a migraine, I punched out 500 and something flowers for kids classes and now I can't lift my arm. I spent yesterday afternoon in bed, poor Alec looked after himself

Mersyndol gives me a dry mouth and a hangover, I feel like I have had a night on the town and way too much to drink, I hate headaches